Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I offer the fine rum to be smuggled out of Cuba and a box of Opus X cigars along with a bucket of KFC and or the blood of one chicken for the Maple Leafs to return to glory

Now, you're talking. HockeyJobu is very pleased with your offering - despite your plea on behalf of The City That Invented Misplaced Hockey Hubris. You will indeed see glory come to The Arena Filled With Suits. HockeyJobu just is not certain that it will come while He Who Will Not Tie His Tie is in control.

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

for the sens to lose game 7

For crying out loud...

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

sens game 7 ?

Consider yourself lucky that the other guy made an offering. This is insulting.

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

Oh Great JoBU I offer you a bottle of Crown Royal a pack of Players Lights and a plate of poutine so that the Ottawa Sens lose game 7.

Players Lights...interesting choice. HockeyJobu has not had poutine in a while so, while he samples your finest, he'll watch goals rain down from Gaborik, Richards and company faster than expletives from a Tortorella locker room speech.

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I offer Cuervo Anejo and a box of Havanas to get the Jackets back on track!

Your offering is high quality but rather conservative. Be a little more creative next time. Still, a good bottle of Cuervo can't be poo-poo'd. HockeyJobu gives the Team from the Haunted Arena a win or two in gratitude for your sincere gift. (Besides, when your team starts out 0-7-1, is there an "on track" to get back to?)

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I offer 15 virgens and a case of Brador for Columbus to make the playoffs

HockeyJobu is not necessarily a radical Muslim revolutionary - however the thought counts and 15 "virgens" could run a mean hibachi. He likes that the Manager Known As Niles has awoken from his 700-day slumber and decided to improve his competitive environment. Playoffs are a very real possibility.

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Jobu, I offer a picnic full of Fourth of July hotdogs for the restoration of the Blue Jackets kid-friendly, cushy cannon character with a friendly face and fluffy moustache known as "Boomer."

Your offerings bear a striking resemblance to the object of your request, yet HockeyJobu believes that barrels of rum will need to be consumed on Nationwide Boulevard before The Mustachioed Unit sees the light of day again. But might this moment of glory suffice?

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

I seek the Columbus Blue Jackets to sign a player to play on the same line as Rick Nash. I offer you a bottle of Southern Comfort, Cuban Cigars, and Montgomery Inn Chicken.

Your offer is adequate, but HockeyJobu required a Czech-mate in addition. Good fortune to you, Jakub, may your long, flowing locks of ABBA-love do you well in The Land of Cheese Steaks. (And Hockey Jobu is VERY pleased to deliver The Long Overdue Top Line Center to his friends in Columbus!)

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I seek a opt out loophole on Rick DiPietro's contract. I offer you a six pack of Natty Ice and a half eaten McNugget. Please Help! Garth

Poor Garth. Poor, poor Garth. Your team plays in a rat-trap, and your offerings to HockeyJobu reflect your continued lack of good taste. Another sign of this poor behavior was the 15-year millstone (and a fragile millstone, at that!) that you put around your franchise's neck. Go cry in your cheap beer and gnaw on your processed half-hors d'oeuvre - and don't come back without a much more interesting offering.

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

All-powerful Jobu, we desire that the Coyotes make it past the first round of the playoffs. For this, we offer you a bottle of Patron Silver, a dozen sweet corn tamales, and an eighth of the finest medicinal herb our state has to offer.

But can HockeyJobu stick that herb in his pipe and smoke it? Seriously, the Cactus Canines appear poised to play the Faux Royalty from The City of Angels. HockeyJobu does not see this as a tremendous challenge for the scrappy cadre from the Valley of the Sun (in The Town that Corporate Welfare Forgot), so he will accept your generous gifts and scour the cupboards for some peanut butter to cure the inevitable munchies.

HockeyJobu offers luck to your hockey team - for a price. What do you seek - and what do you offer?